The Joy of Surviving Olivia's Story
by MH Fearless4Life
Summary: We left off at the episode Trials. I am writing based on that. Olivia was almost raped, but that is only half of it. What is she hiding? Can she overcome her demons?
1. Olivia's Demons

**A/N: Hey everybody! So I had an idea for this story and I see it going places, so it may not be as long as before when I update the story. I hope yall like and send me reviews…lots and lots of reviews!**

**Chapter 1: Olivia's Demons**

Olivia stared at the soda machine absently, remembering that horrible day at the women's correctional facility. She fought so hard against her CO once she realized that he was going to rape her like all the other women. She felt like she was going to die if someone didn't hear her. A tear threatened to fall down her cheek as she saw herself being pushed up against the wall. Her screams were so loud in her head it seemed like she was reliving it all over again. And then, she remembered feel him forming erection against her backside...

" Olivia." Olivia jumped out of her daydream as she heard her name. " I'm sorry. Did I scare you?" The lady asked.

" No. It's ok. I'm normally not this jumpy" Olivia rubbed her temple. She was in for a long day.

--

Olivia was able to get the little boy, Christopher Ryan under the care of his real mother after his foster parents were definitely not fit to care for him. Olivia was glad they were reunited, but now she had to get some help with her own demons that kept on haunting her every time she turned around. Olivia grabbed her keys and coat before letting Cragen know she was going home...a little white lie, but she didn't want to let him know she was going to counseling. She didn't want to seem weak to her colleagues.

As Olivia drove up the building, she hesitated. She was feeling nervous, but she knew if she didn't get the help, the memories would continue to eat her alive. After taking a breath, Olivia turned off the car and walked up the steps. She went to the front desk and signed herself in. Olivia sat back down and looked around her. Beside her, she saw a fairly young girl crying. She had a scar on her arm that said the word "slut". Olivia closed her eyes realizing the girl was probably raped and the perp carved the word onto her arm. She opened her eyes again and tried to block everything out. So she grabbed a magazine and opened it. Lord and behold, she saw an advertisement about sexual assaults and not holding it in. Olivia got up and was about to leave when a African-American lady came out.

" Olivia Benson?" She called out her name. ' Say it any louder why don't you.' Olivia thought. She shook out the thoughts. She wasn't being very nice. She needed to give it a chance.

" Here." Olivia said as she followed the lady to a room. It looked relatively comfortable. A big couch and a small once across from it. The wall was off white and there was green plants behind the couch where Olivia was supposed to seat. Olivia relaxed a little. At least it wasn't gloomy. The lady showed Olivia to the big couch while she sat across from Olivia.

" Let me start with my name. I am Salesha. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable at all, so as you may know, everything we talk about here stays here in this room."

" Thank you. Um, where do I start?" Olivia asked as she wrung out her hands. She was nervous and contemplating whether she should talk about what happened or whether she should go.

" Just talk about how you feel, what happened, anything...don't talk about anything you don't feel comfortable telling me."

" Well, it happened 4 months ago...I was um...working undercover..." Olivia started.

--

Olivia got home later that night weary and drained from the counseling. She got emotional in the room cause she knew she needed help dealing with the trauma. Her face turned red as tears wanted to roll down her face. Admitting she needed help was a big step for Olivia. She was so used to being the strong one because in that type of field that she worked, you delt with victims left and right. Then you also dealt with perps and Olivia had no mercy for them.

Olivia walked over to her refrigerator and grabbed an orange juice. She gave up beer about 3 months ago. It wasn't worth it anymore turning to the beer when she was stressed. Olivia sighed as she heard her cell phone ringing. She looked at the caller ID. It was Elliot. She knew he was calling her because she left early. Olivia decided to ignore the call. She would talk to him later. She walked to her room and got her clothes before she took a shower. When she was done with everything, she got in bed and turned off the lights. Her hand automatically went to her stomach. She smiled a little.

**A/N: There is a surprise for yall later in the story. I am going to update my last story. I have had the longest writers block ever...and I contemplated about deleting it. Tell me what yall think. I am not really happy with it, but if yall like it, then tell me so.**

**Sorry the chapter is short, but the next one will be longer.It was sad at the end seeing Olivia like that, but I know she will get through it.**


	2. Confessions

**A/N: Thank you all for the reviews! I came up with this story on the whim. Didn't know if this would work, but obviously it is! You all rock with the reviews! And keep on sending me the reviews! This is a song from Linkin Park called Numb. My brother loves this song and I thought It would go well with this chapter…well, sort of. Think of it as Olivia telling Harris this.**

**Chapter 2: Confessions**

_I'm tired of being what you want me to be_

_Feeling so faithless lost under the surface_

_Don't know what you're expecting of me_

_Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes_

_Every step that I take is another mistake to you_

--

_I've become so numb I can't feel you there_

_Become so tired so much more aware_

_I'm becoming this_

_All I want to do is be more like me and be less like you_

--

_Can't you see that you're smothering me?_

_Holding too tight afraid to loose control_

_Cause everything that you thought I would be_

_Has fallen apart right in front of you_

_Every step that I take is another mistake to you_

_And every second that I waste is more than I can take_

--

_I've become so numb I can't feel you there_

_Become so tired so much more aware_

_I'm becoming this_

_All I want to do is be more like me and be less like you_

--

_And I know I may end up failing too_

_But I know you were just like me with someone disappointed in you _

**--Olivia rocks! Olivia rocks! Olivia rocks! Olivia rocks!--**

Olivia woke up the next morning very tired and nauseated. She took the covers off her waist and walked over to her small kitchen. She poured herself some orange juice and took a sip before going back into her bedroom to take a shower. Olivia came out half an hour later and she pulled out her clothes for the day. When she tried to put on her pants, she could barely fit in it.

" Damn. Now I got to go shopping." Olivia said to herself. To top it off, someone knocked on her door. Olivia sighed and walked over to the peep hole. It so happened to be Elliot. Olivia rolled her eyes and sucked in her stomach to zip her pants up. She opened the door.

" What, Elliot." Olivia said as she left the door open for him to come in. She didn't feel like seeing his face at her door at the moment.

" I see how it is." He teased.

" Not in the joking mode, El." Olivia told him as she rummaged through her stuff to find the things she needed for the day.

" Just came to see how you were. Greylek came to see if we wanted to get some drinks but then she noticed you were gone. I tried calling you, but you didn't answer. Hence why I am here right now."

" I didn't answer last night because I wanted to be alone to think. I am constantly around you guys, which I don't mind, but I wanted to have some piece with out hearing John's conspiracy theories or Fin constantly complaining about how a pain in the ass you are or you asking me if I am alright every second of the freaking day. I am a big girl damn it." Olivia huffed.

Elliot didn't say anything. He went over to her and gave her a hug. Olivia was caught off guard but she let him hug her. For the first time in a long time, she felt safe. Olivia slowly let the tears, that were hidden behind her eyes, fall. She started crying. Elliot knew she was holding it in, which was the reason he didn't take her comment seriously.

" It's ok. Let it out. I'm always here, ok?" He soothed, stroking her hair. Olivia just cried into his shoulder until she couldn't cry anymore. She slowly lifted her head. Her eyes were red and so was her nose.

" Sorry about that." She whispered. Elliot shook his head and handed her a tissue box that was near them. She grabbed one.

" Don't say you are sorry. I knew you needed a good crying. Everyone has their breaking point, Liv. You can't be superwoman everyday." He told her.

" I know, but it seems like it helps if I keep it inside. Then it becomes non existent. And I become numb to it all." She said as she wiped her nose.

" You still got a booger." Elliot tried to suppress his laughter.

" Shut up Stabler. Just when I was opening up to you." She turned around and wiped her nose again. This time she looked in a mirror to make sure she was ok. The swelling went down some in her face since she stopped crying.

" Sorry. On the serious side though, if you ever want to talk, I'm here."

" Thanks."

" Well, since I am here, do you want a ride?" He asked. Olivia nodded her head since she didn't feel like driving. She finally found her things and they headed out the door. Olivia locked it and they went to Elliot's car.

**--Olivia rocks! Olivia rocks! Olivia rocks! Olivia rocks!--**

At the squad room, Olivia went to her desk and saw a bunch of files on her desk. She sighed. She wanted to do some field work. She figured if she got the paper work done fast, then she would have a chance in doing some thing requiring field work.

Around noon, Olivia looked up from her work and felt her stomach growl from hunger. Elliot had already went to get him something to eat earlier. He asked her if she wanted anything, but she said no. Now she was as hungry as a horse. He still had some chips on his desk. Olivia just grabbed them and started eating them like her life depended on it. Elliot looked up.

" Didn't know you were so hungry. Want something to drink?" He asked her. Olivia shook her head and got up.

" I have the money. I'll be right back." She said as she went out of the squad room and walked across the street to a local shop. She bought some Hot Fries with a soda. Lately, she has been craving spicy stuff. Olivia walked back to the squad room and sat back at her desk. Cragen was still in his office, un aware that Olivia had left a few minutes earlier.

Elliot eyed her food. " You hate spicy foods." He pointed out. True, she didn't like spicy things before, but she sure as hell did now.

" Well, I like them now." She said as she continued to work on her papers while eating her Hot Fries.

**--Olivia rocks! Olivia rocks! Olivia rocks! Olivia rocks!--**

Later when she was done, Olivia handed Cragen her papers. He took a quick look at them and looked back at her.

" What the hell, Olivia." He said pointing to a page that had smudged Hot Fries crumbs on it. Olivia suppressed the laugh that wanted to burst out.

" I was hungry, so I had me some Hot Fries, Captain." She explained.

" What has been happening with you lately? On a serious note, because you have been eating everything in your sight. You are hardly sleeping. I can tell because you have the marks on your face to show it. A month ago, you was throwing up after eating everything. Now I can see you are barely fitting your clothes. What is going on?" He asked her. Olivia sighed and sat down across from the man who cared so much about her.

" I-I am pregnant." She told him. She couldn't look him in the eyes.

" What? Are you sure?" He asked her.

" Yeah. All the signs are there. I took the pregnancy test and it came up positive."

" Is it Elliot?" He asked not wanting it to be him since he didn't want to transfer one of his best detectives.

" Goodness no. It's not him." Olivia said. She was hoping he wouldn't ask anymore who the father was. She didn't want to tell him. It hurt too much.

" Do you mind if I ask who it is?"

Olivia fought back the tears. She cleared her throat.

" The father is Harris." Olivia said before she started to cry.

**A/N: See that purple button? Send me a review and tell me what you think. D**


	3. I'll Be There

**A/N: Thanks for all the reviews! You all just inspired me to update 2 TIMES in ONE DAY!! Keep them coming. Who knows, you all might get another one like this again :D Ok, so here it goes! Oh, and one more thing…a reader asked if this was an EO. Well, this is not an EO story. Elliot and Olivia are just close friends. This is an O? Mystery person. So you have to continue to read to find out!**

**Chapter 3: I'll be there**

The air went stiff as Olivia said the word Harris. The one word that was supposed to not cause her any pain, but here she was…pregnant by him. Do get her wrong, Olivia would love her child regardless, but why did it have to be with HIM? Cragen cleared his throat. He didn't know what to say.

" I thought he didn't rape you." Was all that came out of his mouth. Inside, his heart was breaking for the woman in front of him.

" I know I didn't tell yall, but I had a feeling that the guys would have treated me differently if I told them I was raped. I couldn't handle that. Plus, if I didn't recognize it, then the reality wasn't there." Olivia explained, looking at her hands.

" You should have told me. He could have been in jail longer. There could have been ways for the others not to know…I just don't want you to feel scared. You know how you are to me. " He told her as he got up and gave her a hug. Olivia smiled and hugged him back.

" It's ok. I'm going to be fine. Hey…I started talking to a councelor. That's good right? I mean, it's a good step in the direction." Olivia said.

" Olivia Benson talking to a shrink? Wow. Never saw that coming." He teased. Olivia rolled her eyes.

" Notice I said Counselor and not shrink. Big difference. Besides, like you said, I haven't been getting enough sleep and I have been having flash backs lately. So, I knew it was time for me to get help."

" Well, if you ever want to talk and the shrink doesn't work out, then you just knock. Ok?" He asked her. Olivia rolled her eyes again at the 'shrink' comment, but she nodded. She was just about to leave his office when he called her back.

" Oh, and Olivia? Desk duty from now on. No ifs ands or buts about it. Clear?" He asked. He knew she was about to protest.

" But…" She started but quickly stopped when she saw his face. He was serious about it.

" No buts. Now if you want, you can go down to computer crimes, but if not, you are staying here, not in the fields." He told her. Olivia slowly nodded.

" Fine." She said as she left his office. Cragen shook his head and laughed before heading back to his paperwork.

**--Olivia rocks! Olivia rocks! Olivia rocks! Olivia rocks!--**

Olivia sat back down at her desk and looked at the time. It was already 8 pm. Elliot was in la-la land, so when Olivia called his name, he was startled.

" El, when do you plan on leaving?" She asked him. He looked at her blankly before realizing what she said.

" Oh, um. I don't know. Why?"

" Well, you sort of took me here to work this morning and I have no other way back." She rolled her eyes.

" Well, I can take you home right now. Are you done with everything?" He asked her. She nodded.

" Yeah, I just got done with my paperwork. Besides, it gives me a chance to talk to you. " She said as she grabbed her coat and keys.

" Ok. Let me tell Cragen." He said as he went to his office. A second later, Elliot came back and gathered his stuff. They both went out into the cold, starry night and to Elliot's car. The first couple of minutes were silent, but Elliot broke it.

" So, what was it that you wanted to tell me?" He asked. Olivia shook her head.

" Not now. I'll wait till we are at my place. Safe and parked." She smiled a little. Inside, she was nervous. She was about to tell him about the pregnancy. She didn't know how he would react, so she thought it best to tell him when he was not driving and the car was in park mode.

" Ok." He said.

Five more minutes passed before they arrived at Olivia's apartment. He parked the car in front of it and turned towards her. " I'm parked." Was all he said.

" Well, um…you can't tell this to any of the guys. Only Cragen knows right now." She said making sure he wouldn't say anything just yet.

" I won't…Liv, you are freaking me out. What's wrong?" He asked her. Olivia fidgeted with her fingers.

" Um. I'm pregnant." She said quietly. Elliot grinned, but it died when he saw her reaction to it.

" This is great…I mean you have been wanting a child for a long time. Why aren't you happy?" He asked her.

" I am…trust me, I am, but it is how I got pregnant, that isn't so happy." She told him. Elliot had a confused look on his face.

" What are you-" He started to say but Olivia cut him off.

" Harris. He is the father, Elliot. " Olivia just blurted out.

Elliot was silent for a moment, but Olivia could tell he was trying to hold his anger inside. The anger wasn't for her, but for that scum bag.

" And I know what you are going to say too. I'm sorry I didn't tell you the whole story, but think about how I felt. I felt scared to tell you. And it has nothing to do with not trusting you, because I trust you with my life. There is no problem with that area, but for some reason, I couldn't tell you." She told him.

" I wanted to get you out…If I had just got you out then…" He began.

" No, stop that. You had no control over that. It would have happened regardless." She lightly scolded. It was ironic. It was she who got raped, and she was comforting Elliot.

" I know, but I hate it happened to you. You are my best friend, and I would kill if someone hurt you. Too bad Harris is in jail. Would love to nail his ass 6 feet under." He joked a little.

" Thanks. Well, I am going to go inside. Please don't tell the guys. Please?" She asked him. He nodded his head.

" I promise not to tell. You have some good sleep. You hear?"

" Yeah. Thanks again for the ride." She told him. He smiled and drove off once he saw she was inside the building.

Olivia walked over to the elevator and hit the button for her floor.

While she was waiting, she heard a noise come from down the hall. Olivia looked around herself and saw nothing. She thought it was her imagination. She then heard another sound come from the same area. Olivia held onto her gun that rested on her side and began to constantly push the red button for her floor. The elevator finally opened and Olivia quickly went inside and pushed the close button. Just as it was about to close, a person stood in its way from closing.

Olivia screamed. " Jesus Christ! You scared me!" She held onto her chest. It was just her neighbor, Jonathan. He looked scared.

" I'm sorry Ms. Benson. I didn't mean to scare you." He said. He got in the elevator with her. Olivia just nodded.

" It's ok." Olivia said once she caught her breath. In no time, the door opened for her stop. " You have a good night." Olivia told him.

" You too." He told her and he pressed a button for his stop.

Olivia walked over to her apartment and fished out her keys. When she found them, she opened her door and walked inside. Locking the door, she turned on the light nearest her. Olivia threw her keys on the coffee table and then walked to her bedroom to put her gun in the drawer next to her bed. Just as she was about to walk back into the living room, her telephone rang. Olivia walked over to where the phone was and picked it up.

" Benson." She said into the phone like so many other times at the precinct.

Silence.

" Hello?" She asked again.

Silence.

" Listen, if you don't answer right now, I am hanging up." Olivia said.

Still silence.

" Bye." Olivia said hanging up. It must have been a prank caller. But for some reason, she didn't think it was just some prank caller. In the middle of her thoughts, the phone rang again.

" Hello?" She asked.

" You can't hide forever Olivia" The voice on the other end said before it hung up.

Olivia froze. She knew the voice. It was Harris. He must have gotten out of prison…but how did she not know?

Olivia threw the phone down and made sure her door was locked and she closed all the blinds before she got out her cell phone. She pressed number 2 to the person she trusted the most.

" Stabler." Elliot said.

" Elliot. You have to come here quick. Harris must have gotten out of jail, because he called me saying I can't hide forever. I'm scared. He knows my number, El." She said constantly looking around her like he was in the apartment.

" I'm coming over there right now, ok?" He told her. " Stay on the phone with me until I come over." He said as he got up from his bed. He put on some shoes and grabbed his keys. Kathy woke up.

" Were are you going?" She asked him.

" I am going to Olivia's house. Harris must have gotten out. He called her." Elliot told her. Kathy nodded.

" I hope she is ok. I'll be here. Call me if you need me." She told him. Elliot nodded and gave her a quick kiss on the lips.

" Olivia. Are you still there?" He asked as he picked his phone back up.

" Yeah. Please hurry." She said into the phone.

" I'm coming. Don't worry. I'll be there." He said as he went out the door.

**A/N: So whatcha think? Am I making you all beg for more? Leave me a review! I am so happy how this story is coming out.**


	4. That Man'

**A/N: I'm sorry for not updating sooner. I couldn't think of a good chapter. I am not completely happy with this chapter, but if you all like it, forget what I just said. I love this chapter! Haha. But anyways, sorry this is so short, and hopefully, the next chapter will be better.Omg…I think I have a great idea for the next chapter. I guess I need to get typing! As always, read and review!**

**Chapter 4: 'That Man'**

Olivia looked at her phone.

_Call lost._

It only takes 15 minutes from Elliot's house to Olivia's, but it felt like hours to her. Her thoughts were shattered by someone knocking on the door. Olivia grabbed her gun and walked slowly to her door.

" Who is it?" She asked.

" It's me, El. Open up." Elliot called out. Olivia sighed with relief and opened the door. Elliot walked in after looking around the hall to make sure nobody followed him. Just as he was about to close the door, somebody barged so hard against the door that it made Elliot fall against a sharp corner leaving him unconscious. Olivia on the other hand screamed. She started to run into her bedroom, but the perp took her down by the legs. Olivia kicked and screamed trying to scratch anything that was in the way of her hands.

" Why are you fighting, Olivia? I told you that you couldn't hide for long." The voice said from underneath the ski mask. Olivia fought harder realizing it was Harris. She went to punch him in the face, but he caught her arm.

" GET OFF OF ME!" Olivia screamed. She wouldn't stop fighting. Not over her dead body.

" And how is my child?" He snickered. Olivia kicked him in his manhood. He bent over in pain.

" Don't you EVER talk about my child!" She said as she tried to get up, but Harris again grabbed her and made her fall hard on her back.

" Bitch!" He seethed as he tried to rip off her shirt. " I'll teach you to never do that again." He said, but he fell on top of her. Olivia just laid there with shock on her face. Elliot came staggering next to her.

" Are you ok?" He asked.

" I-I think so." Olivia said. She then looked at her half ripped shirt. She looked back at Elliot and saw he had some blood on his face. His head was cut a little.

" I'm calling the bus and Cragen. You go get cleaned up. I'll be fine." Elliot said as he put some cuffs on a groaning Harris.

" Bitch had it coming." Harris said through the pain.

" Shut the hell up." Elliot shot right back.

**olivia-olivia-olivia-olivia**

It had been a week since the attack and Olivia was a little bit better knowing Harris was on lockdown for escaping prison and attacking Olivia and Elliot. Elliot, by the way was healing well, too. He had to have stitches and Kathy came to the hospital as soon as she heard about what happened.

" Olivia…Earth to Olivia." Casey looked at her friend who looked like she really had no sleep.

" Huh? Oh, sorry, Casey." Olivia looked back at her.

" I'm worried about you. You are hardly sleeping." Casey said as she sat on the edge of Olivia's desk.

" I know I need to sleep, but I have been busy trying to keep Harris where he belongs. I don't want my child to be born in this shit. That's why I am making sure I have this taken care of." Olivia said as she rubbed her temple. Casey sighed.

" Well, first of all, you must have plenty of rest so you know the health of your child is ok, before you do all this." Casey told her. Olivia knew she was right, and this was not one of them times that she needed to be stubborn because she had a baby inside of her to think of.

" I will, I promise. Let me just get through today, and I'll ask Cragen if I can leave a little earlier." Olivia said. Casey nodded.

" That's better. Now, I have to go and get that warrant that Munch and Fin wanted." Casey said as she got up. She straightened her skirt and walked out of the squad room.

**Olivia-olivia-olivia-olivia**

It was nearing 8 o'clock and Olivia was exhausted. She grabbed her folders and went to Cragen's office.

" Come in." He said from inside. Olivia opened the door and peeked her head in.

" Captain, I am exhausted and I need to sleep since I haven't for some time. So I wanted to let you know I am going to head home."

" Ok. You take care, ok?" Cragen said before he looked back at his paperwork. Olivia nodded and left the squad room.

Olivia got to her apartment not long after. She got on the elevator since she felt safer there., and she pushed the button for her floor.

When she got to her door, Olivia opened it and closed the door before locking it. Olivia went straight to her bedroom and was finally able to take off her clothes that were increasingly being harder to put on. Olivia decided she was going shopping the next day since she was no longer a size 10.

Just then, Olivia's cell phone rang. She looked at the caller ID. It was Elliot.

" Yes, El." Olivia said as she continued to take off her clothes.

" Just checked in to make sure you are ok." He said. Olivia sighed.

" Tired. Thanks for calling. See you tomorrow. Bye." Olivia said before she hung up.

'That man.' Olivia thought before she went to take a much needed relaxing shower.

**A/N: You all rock with the reviews! ( Hint hint!)**


	5. Love Interest

**A/N: Hey peoples! Ok, so I included some love and baby in here. I hope you all love it!**

**Chapter 5: Love Interest**

**2 months later. Olivia's 6****th**** month.**

Olivia walked into the squad room glowing. She had finally gotten to a point in her life where she let herself be happy and as a result, everyone could notice the softer side of her.

" Hey Liv. You look happy today. What is going on?" Fin asked her as she went to her seat. Olivia smiled.

" Oh Lord. I know that look, so tell."

" Well, I met someone. He is really nice and everything. Nothing like the bone heads I used to date. We have been dating for almost two months." Olivia said dreamily. Fin laughed.

" Yeah. It's funny. You dated Granger, you also dated that news reporter…what's his name Kurt Moss. They were definitely not your type. I am glad though you found someone. But you know, he better treat you right or else he will have to come through me." Fin teased. Olivia laughed and turned towards her work.

" What's this I hear that someone better treat Olivia right?" Munch ask as he came in. Olivia turned back around.

" Olivia has a boyfriend." Fin chimed in. Elliot came from around the corner.

'Dang. Why don't you just let the whole room know?' Olivia thought.

" I am happy for you. Why don't you bring him in so we can meet him?" Elliot offered as he gave her a hug.

" Oh no. The last time you all interrogated the guy, he never called me back. I actually want to keep him, not loose him." Olivia rolled her eyes.

" No interrogation. Promise." Fin said.

" Unless-" Munch tried to say, but Fin cut him off.

" No. Don't you dare. No conspiracy theories." Fin said knowing his partner all too well.

" But-"

" But my ass, Munch. Not now." Fin rolled his eyes. Munch raised his hands in the air in surrender. He mumbled under his breath and sat in his seat.

" Ok, then. You bring him here. Like I said before, we promise we'll be nice." Elliot said.

Olivia sighed and nodded. " I'll think about it. Now lets get to work." Olivia said. Elliot, Fin and Munch followed suit.

**-SVUrocks!SVUrocks!SVUrocks!-**

Olivia came home around ten o'clock that night tired and hungry. She haven't eaten since lunch and the baby wasn't having any of that. It wanted some food…now. When Olivia got to her apartment door, she unlocked it and went inside. She was greeted by her favorite Chinese food. The smell went through out the apartment. Olivia smiled and went into the kitchen. She saw her boyfriend, Mathew, in an apron that said

" Kiss the Cook." Olivia laughed a bit and went over to him. She stood next to him.

" All for me?" She asked innocently. He smiled and kissed her forehead.

" Na. Actually, it is for me and my friend Bob who is coming over in a few minutes." He joked. " Of coarse, silly. It's for you and I." He said as he finished the fried rice and put it on a plate for her. He put some food on his plate before he turned off the stove and took off his apron. He took both plates and went into the living room. Olivia followed him.

" You know you didn't have to do this." Olivia said as she gave him a small kiss on the cheek.

" That's all the thanks I need. I wanted to Olivia. You deserve to have some relaxation once in a while. I know how hard it can be for you." He wasn't lying either. He did know how it was for her to be out at work for a long time. Sometimes having to stay at the station house all night to finish up a case. He, after all, used to be a Federal agent.

Olivia picked up her fork and started eating the food. " This is great. Thank you." Olivia said. All of a sudden, she felt the baby kick.

" Matt. Feel this." Olivia said as she took his hand and put it on her protruding stomach. The baby did a double kick. Mathew smiled.

" Thank you for sharing this with me. It really means a lot." He whispered. Olivia just smiled. She didn't know what to say to him. He was always great to her. When she felt like she couldn't handle some cases, he was always by her side telling her she was a strong person and she was amazing.

When they got done, Olivia asked him to stay over. They popped in a movie and settled on the comfortable couch in the living room.

" I love you Olivia." He told her in her ear as they laid together on the couch. Olivia turned her head.

" I love you more." She smiled. He laughed and lifted up her shirt a bit to draw lazy circles on her protruding stomach, but Olivia slowly took his hand away. He gave her a confused look.

" Reminds me too much. I'm sorry." She apologized. Matt just nodded.

" It's ok. I never want you to feel uncomfortable." He told her. He already knew about what happened to her and he respected her if she didn't want to have sex.

Olivia turned around and rested her head on his chest as she slowly fell asleep with her and Matt's hand protectively around her belly.

**A/N: Next chapter will include more of Olivia, Matt and the unborn baby. Stay tuned!**


	6. Oh Baby

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews and thanks for waiting so long for me to update. You all are the best =D **

**Chapter 6: Oh Baby...**

Olivia opened her eyes and slowly hung her legs over her bed. Mathew was not there, so Olivia came to the conclusion that he left earlier. Olivia got out of bed and waddled to her bathroom to brush her teeth. Of coarse, her ever growing belly prevented her from nearing the mirror. When she was done, Olivia walked over to her door. That was when she smelled coffee. Her natural Olivia Benson instincts told her to get some coffee, so that is what she did. Olivia went over to the coffee maker and was just about to get her a coffee mug when she felt some arms go around her belly. Her head told her to protect her baby and hit whoever was behind her.

" Jesus Christ Liv! It's just me!" Mathew said as he held his nose. Olivia immediately regretted what she did. She went over to Mathew.

" Baby, I'm so sorry. You scared me." She said as she took a look at his nose. It was bleeding a bit.

" Dang. You sure do have a hand on you. I didn't know pregnancy can do that to a woman." He tried to joke through the pain as he let her examine his nose.

" Your nose isn't broken, but you will have a bruise. I'm really sorry though." Olivia apologized again. He shook his head and gave her a hug.

" It's okay. I'm fine really. Ouch." He said as he gently touched his nose. Olivia helped him over to her couch.

" Do you want me to get some ice for you?" Olivia offered.

" No, I'll get it. And besides, you should be the one resting here. And that coffee was for me Missy. You know caffeine is bad for the baby."

" First of all Mister, I am just fine. I don't need to be resting. Second, I hate when you are right about the coffee. You can't make coffee around me or Benson will come right out. Pregnant or not." She reminded him as she sat on his lap. He faked pain as if she was too heavy, but in truth, he had big muscles because he worked out and ate healthy. He could sometimes be a health freak, but  
Olivia made sure he had some junk food every now and then. Olivia playfully slapped his chest.

" Meany." She faked a pout.

" You know you love it." He teased. Olivia laughed.

" Matt, I have a doctors appointment to find the sex of the baby. I was wondering if you wanted to come." She asked nervously.

" Do you even have to ask? Of course I want to come." He smiled as he gave her a gentle kiss with out hurting his injured nose. Olivia smiled.

**~svu-svu-svu-svu-svu-svu-svu-svu~**

Olivia had already signed in and she was waiting in the little room with Mathew. He sat in the chair beside the table/bed where Olivia sat. To speak frankly, Olivia was worried. She didn't know how she would be as a mother. She just hoped she would be a better mother than her mom was to her. Olivia looked at the wall in front of her. There was a poster of the stages of baby growth. Just then her doctor, Dr. Kim McGowan, came in.

" Hey Olivia. How are you?" She asked as she walked over to where the couple was.

" I'm good. The baby is kicking a lot now." Olivia smiled.

" That of course is normal. Now, you came in to know the sex of the baby?" She asked. Olivia nodded. " Okay, so what I need you to do is lay down and pull up your shirt." She said as she got out the sonogram and gel.

Mathew held her hand as Dr. McGowan squeezed some gel on Olivia's belly. It only took a minute to find the image. Olivia looked at Mathew and back at the screen.

" Can you see it?" Mathew asked the doctor.

" Yes...let's see. This is the head...wait" She pointed to a tiny round figure. There was two other figures next to it. " I see two more babies. Let's see if they want to show themselves." She said half to herself and half to them.

" Oh my god." She whispered. No wonder she was so big for her 6th month.

" Ah. I see now. You have 3 girls. Congrats!" Dr. McGowan told them. A tear went down Olivia's face. Mathew wiped her tear away.

" You have three girls, Liv." Mathew smiled.

" No, _we _have three girls. These are our babies." Olivia corrected him. He smiled and kissed her forehead.

" Okay, I'm going to wipe this stuff of your stomach and then I have to check the vitals. Make sure everything is okay inside you." She said as she got out her stethoscope. She first wiped off Olivia's stomach and then placed the stethoscope on her belly. She listened for a minute and then put it back before recording in the papers.

" Is everything okay?" Olivia asked.

" Yes. You have three healthy babies. Just make sure you are eating right and getting the right amount of sleep. I can see you are gaining a lot of weight from the babies. We don't want you to get diabetes. By the way, do you have family history of diabetes?" She asked her. Olivia shook her head.

" I don't know. I never knew my father and I'm sure my mother never had it." Olivia said.

" Okay, it can be common though with some mothers. Just watch the things you do, and you most likely won't have it." She told her. Olivia nodded and put her shirt down.

" Thank a lot." Olivia said as she got up from the table with the help of Mathew.

" You welcome. Next time, I guess that I will see you is when you are in labor." She teased. Olivia rolled her eyes.

" Not looking forward to the pain, but yeah. I'll see you when I'm in labor." She said as they all walked out of the room. Olivia and Mathew said their goodbyes and Olivia signed out before they went back to her apartment. Olivia smiled as Mathew drove.

" What are you smiling about?" He asked. He was starting to smile because she was.

" Oh, nothing. Just excited." She said as she took his free hand. He squeezed it.

" Me too... Me too." He told her.

**A/N: Tahks...argh. Thanks for reading! Sorry for the spelling error. Lol. Well, give me lots of reviews! Oh by the way...I have two news for you. I will be updating my story _Light after the Dark_ tomorrow hopefully and I most likely will do a sequel to my other story _So Fa__r but So Near_ because someone suggested it. So be looking out for it. =D**


	7. Questions, Babies, and Olivia

**Chapter 7: Questions, Babies and Olivia**

**2 months and 2 weeks later**

It was a hot day out at the beach. Olivia was already at her 8th month and Cragen told her to take off the month with pay. Olivia didn't protest because of two things. One was that she was too tired and two, she wanted to spend more time with Matt. So here they were on vacation at Myrtle Beach South Carolina.

Matt was so good for her and the guys at the precinct felt the same. They could tell she was so much more happy when he came to visit her or when she was talking to him. He was what Olivia had been dreaming for.

Olivia was in her maternity swim suit looking at the kids play in the water. She looked over at Matt who was busy looking at her. Olivia blushed.

" What?" She asked smiling. He smiled back.

" Just admiring how beautiful you look." He squeezed her hand.

" Awe. Thank you. You're so sweet." She gave him a soft kiss on the cheek. He smiled and got up.

" Do you want to go in the water?" He asked holding his hand out for her to grab.

" Sure." Olivia said as she accepted his offer.

Matt pulled her up and they walked hand in hand over to the water.

**-svu-svu-svu-svu-svu-svu-svu-svu-svu-svu-**

That night, when Matt saw the sun going down, he got Olivia. It was a perfect opportunity for his plans. Olivia was on the bed watching TV and eating fruit even though what she really wanted was junk food.

" Baby? You want to walk with me out on the beach?" He asked as he sat by her.

" Yeah. I need some fresh air anyways. It is too hot in here." She said as she tried to get up. When she couldn't, Matt helped her up.

They walked out of the hotel and onto the beach. The sunset made the sky look beautiful. Orange, pink, purple, yellow all blended like a painters pallet. Olivia gasped.

" It's so pretty out here." She said as she snuggled more into his arm since it was a little breezy.

" Just like you." He smiled.

" Cliché honey." She laughed.

" Can't blame me for trying." He shrugged. Olivia shook her head.

They walked for a while before Matt spoke up. " Can I ask you a question?" He asked when they slowed to a stop.

" What is it?"

" Well, um...you know I love you right?" He started to become nervous and he didn't know why.

" Yeah..." Olivia said. She didn't know where it was going.

" And I want to be with you for the rest of my life." He said as he got on his knees. Olivia put her hand in front of her mouth in shock.

" Matt..."

" That's why I am asking you if you will make me the happiest man on earth and be my wife."

" Mat...I..." She leaned over in pain. Matt quickly got up.

" Liv, did your water just break?" He said as he helped her walk.

" Yeah. Please get me to the hospital quick... they really want to come right now." She huffed as they got to his car. Matt almost broke every speed limit there was before he parked in the emergency area. Olivia was sweating now.

" No...this is not supposed to happen right now! This is too early!" She cried out in pain. Matt carried her into the room. He thanked his lucky stars for being so buff.

" We need a wheelchair. My girlfriend is in labor." He called out for a nurse. A lady came around the corner and took Olivia and got her in a wheelchair. Olivia looked back at him.

" My fiancé... I want my fiancé with me. Please..." Olivia pleaded. Matt looked at her in shock before he quickly followed them to her room.

After the nurse got Olivia hooked up and ready, she left for a moment. Matt took that time to talk to her.

" Baby, did you mean what you said back there?" He asked her. Olivia nodded.

" I do want to spend the rest of my life with you. You are so good to me, and I wouldn't trade all the time we have spent together for anything in the world. I love you." She kissed him. Matt smiled and held her hand.

**-svu-svu-svu-svu-svu-svu-svu-svu-svu-svu-svu-**

It had been 5 hours later and Olivia was pushing. She was squeezing Matt's hand so tight he was turning white from the pain, but he didn't want to show her that.

" It's ok, Liv. Just push baby." He told her.

" I-I can't do it. It hurts too much." She told him. She had a worried look in her eyes. Matt just kissed her forehead.

" We have three beautiful girls coming into this world. Don't worry, OK? Just push for me." He squeezed her hand for reassurance. Olivia nodded and pushed.

" Push...push...push...push...push...you can rest. After this, you have just one more big push and you got the first baby out, OK?" The nurse told her. Olivia nodded and wearily laid her head against the pillow.

**2 more hours later**

" Congrats Olivia! Here are all three of your girls. They are beautiful." The nurse said as she laid the first and second born in Olivia's arms. She gave the youngest to Matt. Olivia cried silently as she held her daughters. She never thought she could feel so in love with her tiny babies. Since they were a month early, they were a little underweight, but healthy. Matt looked at the little girl in his arms and smiled as slept quietly.

" You did it, baby."

" No, we did it. I couldn't have done it without you." She smiled. The nurse came around with another nurse to get the babies so they could do the birth certificates. Olivia looked as if she didn't want to giver her daughters to the nurses. The nurse smiled and reassured her.

" It's ok, Olivia. We will take good care of them and then we'll give them back."

Olivia slowly nodded and handed them over. Matt did the same.

Just as she promised, the nurses came back with the babies who now had little bracelets so they would know which baby was born when. " Here you go. They are all set. You all can go home tomorrow." The nurse said with a smile before she left. Olivia smiled back and began to breastfeed her fussing babies.

" What do you want to name them?" Matt asked. Olivia pondered for a moment.

" Well, for the first born, I would like to call her Ayana Nicole. For the second born, I'll call her Emma Rose. I know you love your mom very much, so I named her after Emily." Olivia told him. Matt didn't know what to say.

" You don't know how much this means to me. Thank you." He smiled at her. Olivia returned it.

" And finally, for the youngest, I'll call her Christina Delana." She finally said, happy with the names she picked out.

" Welcome to the world, Ayana, Emma and Christina." Matt whispered. He and Olivia were so happy, nothing could deter them from that fact


	8. No Matter What

**Hope you like! And thanks for the reviews =D**

**Chapter 8: No matter what**

**The next day.**

Olivia woke up to the sounds of movement in her room. She saw her fiancé holding her girls as he waited for the nurse to come with a couple of baby seats and a wheelchair for Olivia. Matt looked over towards her and saw her looking at them. He smiled and walked over to her.

" Morning Sunshine." He said as he sat down on the bed beside her. He gave her a small kiss on the forehead.

" Good morning. How are they? Are they OK?" She said looking at her gorgeous daughters. They looked nothing like their scum of a father, but they look much like Olivia. Olivia was thankful for that.

" Relax mommy. They have all ten fingers and toes. They are at a healthy weight and they are perfect." He reassured her. Olivia smiled a little and kissed each of the girls on the head. "I'm just waiting for the nurse to come so we can come home." Matt told her. Olivia nodded.

Not long after, the nurse came with just what she promised. Matt grabbed the baby seats and put Emma, Ayana, and Christina in each. The girls didn't make a peep. When he was done, he helped Olivia into the wheelchair.

" You need any help with the baby seats?" The nurse asked. Olivia nodded.

" Yes, thank you." Olivia said as Matt rolled her out of the room. The nurse followed them out to where Matt's car was. When the babies were in their seats and all buckled up, Olivia got into her side. She was still sore, but a bit better. Matt got into the drivers side and started up the car for the long drive home.

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Almost twelve hours later, Matt pulled up to his place. He had a bigger house so it would be best if they stayed there for a while. Matt got out of the car and carried the babies inside before he came back out for the still sleeping Olivia.

" We are here, baby." Matt said as he carried her inside. She wrapped her arms around his neck as he walked over to his bed. He gently laid her down and put the covers over her. Olivia mumbled something and went back to sleep. Matt knew Olivia would want to show the guys at the squad room the girls, but that would have to wait for tomorrow.

Matt looked at the time and saw it was 11:32 pm. He decided to go to bed. He had to get the baby cribs and all that stuff from Olivia's apartment because they had no clue she would give birth a month early. Before he got in the covers, he made sure the girls were changed.

Crawling into the bed beside Olivia, Matt sighed with finally getting some sleep.

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**3 hours later.**

Olivia woke up to the piercing sound of babies crying. Sleepily, she got up and slowly walked over to where the babies were. Ayana was making the loudest noise. Olivia checked to see if she needed to change her diaper. Olivia looked inside and pulled her head back.

" Whew! Stinky baby!" Olivia whispered as she went to change Ayana's diaper. Next was Emma and Christina. She stayed up for an hour and a half breast feeding them before going back to bed.

" I love you, my sweet babies. Sweet dreams." Olivia said as she kissed their heads. She walked back to where Matt was already up. He was laying with his head on his hand watching Olivia.

" I'm sorry I woke you up." Olivia said giving his a kiss. He returned it.

" It's OK. Let's just see if we can get back to sleep. Tomorrow, I'll go get the crib and stuff from your apartment." He stroked her cheek. Olivia closed her eyes.

" OK. Goodnight or whatever we have left." Olivia said. Matt smiled.

" Goodnight." He whispered.

**-svu-svu-svu-svu-svu-svu-svu-svu-svu-svu-svu-svu-svu-svu-**

Olivia woke up again at 8:30 am to her favorite food. She looked around and saw the baby cribs already set up in the corner of the room. The girls were already in them. Olivia was about to get out from under the covers when Christina began to cry. Quickly, Olivia went over to the crib and picked up the cranky baby.

" Sh. It's OK, baby girl. Mommy's here." Olivia soothed. She sat in a chair beside the crib and rocked slowly as she softly sang a song.

" You are my sunshine

My only sunshine

You make me happy

When skies are grey

You never know dear

How much I love you

Please don't take my sunshine away."

Olivia finished when she saw Christina quiet down. Olivia then pulled up her shirt and began to nurse her. Matt came in minutes later. He saw Olivia nursing Christina.

" I'm sorry. I'll let you have privacy." He said as he was about to walk out.

" No, it's OK. Stay here with me. Look...Christy opened her eyes." Olivia said as he came closer. Olivia didn't feel embarrassed that she was half flashing him. But she just didn't want him to see her fully naked because she still felt the shame from the rape. She didn't want to seem weak in front of her colleagues, so she never discussed how she felt. The only person who knew how she really felt besides Matt was Casey.

Matt smiled. " She looks just like you." He said quietly. Not long after, Christina let Olivia know she was full when Olivia felt no more sucking. Olivia gently took her off her breast and put her back down into her pink crib. Ayana and Emma were still asleep, but Olivia knew they would wake up soon. After she put her shirt back on right, Olivia went out of the room with Matt following her. She wrapped her arms around his neck.

" Thank you for bringing the cribs here. And thank you for everything. You know you are amazing right?" She kissed him. Matt returned it.

" Well, I have been told that many times." He smirked. Olivia rolled her eyes. " No, anyways, I would do it all over again for you."

" You know, you have been so good to me that I don't know what I did to deserve you. You don't ask me for sex or anything and you are always so patient." She looked him in the eyes.

" Olivia, I will love you regardless we have sex or not. It does not define my love for you. And you didn't have to do anything to deserve my love. You are so lovable and thats what I love about you...just know that I'll always be here, OK?" He kissed her cheek. Olivia smiled a bit.

" I want to be ready, but I just can't. It's too hard."

" You don't have to rush anything. Take your time and if you feel like you defiantly can, tell me and we'll take it slow." He gave her a hug. Just then, the peaceful room was filled with the crying of Emma and Ayana who were now fully awake. Olivia laughed.

" Back to diaper duty." She said as she and Matt went to tend to their daughters.

**Reviews are appreciated. =D**


	9. I do I do I dooo!

**Chapter 9: I do I do I dooooo!**

**9 months later.**

Olivia picked up Ayana, who had accidentally bumped her head against the coffee table.

" Ahhh!" She cried not knowing what to do.

" Awe. Baby, it's okay. Mommy's got you." Olivia soothed.

After a few minutes, Ayana was tear free and wanting to play with her sisters. Olivia smiled and put her back. Emma and Christina crawled over with some toys. Olivia was so glad they all got along.

Not long after, Matt walked through the door moments later. He walked behind Olivia giving her a kiss.

" Hey Liv." He smiled thankful to be home. She returned it.

" Is that your gun or are you happy to see me?" She joked as she felt something against her leg.

" Though I am ecstatic to see my baby and the three musketeers, it was just my gun. Love you though." He laughed. Olivia playfully slapped his chest.

Matt took off his gun and went to put it in the locked drawer beside their bed. Two months before, he received a call that he was needed back at the bureau since the last captain was not fit. Matt had received honors for being a great leader before he met Olivia and before he left. It had been a while, but he was glad to be in that position again. Olivia was happy for him too. Whatever he wanted to do, she would support him.

Olivia on the other hand stayed at their new home they bought 3 moths ago and took care of her daughters. She always, though, brought the girls to visit " Uncles" Fin, Elliot, John and " Auntie" Casey. Olivia had personally asked Cragen to be the grandfather and he was honored.

" Babe. Are you inviting your brother to the wedding?" He asked about the week away wedding.

" I did, but he said he was not able to come. Told me that he wished us well." Olivia said as she went to sit on the couch.

" Whats wrong?" He asked as he got behind her so she could lay on his chest.

" Nothing. I am just tired."

" Spit it out, Olivia. I know there is more." He said. Olivia hated when he knew her more than she knew herself.

" I don't know, I'm just tired of Simon making up excuses. And I know it is excuses." Olivia finally said. Matt nodded.

" Well, he might just have a good excuse this time." Matt reasoned out. Olivia looked at him.

" Are you on my side or his?" Olivia asked.

" Yours. Babe, I am just trying to help out here." He lifted his arms as if to say he surrendered. Olivia sighed and leaned back against his chest. She ran her thumb over his hands.

" I'm sorry. I'm just being a bitch right now." She said quietly.

" No, don't say that. You are not being a bitch. I understand where you are coming from." He kissed her forehead. " Let's just talk about the wedding so you can get your mind off of Simon for the moment." He suggested. Olivia nodded.

" Okay."

" So, what does your dress look like?" He asked trying to get a hint. Olivia playfully slapped his arm.

" I'm not that stupid." She laughed.

**-svu-svu-svu-svu-svu-svu-svu-svu-svu-svu-svu-svu-svu-svu-svu-svu-svu-svu-**

**The day of the wedding.**

Olivia breathed in and out as she counted down the hour until she was supposed to go down the aisle. Casey and Mathew's mother was helping Olivia with hair and makeup. Casey was putting blush on Olivia while Mathew's mother did Olivia's hair.

" What are you thinking about, Liv?" Casey asked. She was just about done with Olivia's makeup and was putting the finishing touches.

" I'm just nervous...that's all." Olivia said. Matt's mom looked at her.

" Cold feet?"

" No! No, no, no. I am nervous happy. I would never have cold feet about him." Olivia said as she got up since her soon to be mother in law was finished. Olivia looked in the full-length mirror. Although she didn't have her dress on yet, she just had her makeup and hair done.

" It's beautiful...thank you both." Olivia said as she gave both of them a hug.

" You're welcome sweetheart." Mathew's mom told her.

" Yeah. Anytime for my best friend." Casey smiled.

Olivia grabbed her dress and went to the bathroom to change.

" I'll be right back." Olivia told them. They nodded as they sat down and talked.

Ten minutes later, Olivia came out in her dress. It was a beautiful strapless dress that had beading on the bodice and flowed onto the floor. She had put on a small tiara that made her look like a princess.

" You look so cute Olivia!" Casey squealed. Olivia laughed.

" You look so beautiful. I'm glad to finally be able to call you my daughter in law." Emily told Olivia. Olivia gave her another hug.

" Thank you guys for helping me with everything." Olivia smiled.

" You are so welcome." Both women said.

A knock came on the door. Olivia was supposed to walk down the aisle with Cragen. The flower girls were Mathew's nieces, Bethany (7)and Kacie(9). The ring barrier was also his nephew, Aaron who was 10 years old.

Cragen came in and he smiled when he saw Olivia.

" You look really beautiful Olivia." He told her as he gave her a hug.

" Thanks." She said before they all headed out the door and down the stairs of the church. Not long after, Olivia heard the music playing and Cragen opened the door so the flower girls could walk down the aisle. They were throwing flower petals along the way. Next went Fin and Melinda, and Casey and Fin. Elliot and Kathy went next then Mathew's brother, Nathan and his wife Tessa.

After everyone was in their places, Cragen and Olivia walked down. All Olivia was looking at was her handsome prince who was smiling at her. When they got down to the altar, Cragen gave her a kiss on the cheek and went to sit down. Mathew took Olivia's hand and they looked at the pastor.

" Dearly beloved. We are gathered here today to celebrate the joining of two people, Mathew Jayden Hurst and Olivia Serena Benson in Holy Matrimony.

Marriage is to be a permanent relationship of one man and one woman who are freely and totally committed to each other as companions for life.

The home is built upon love, love is patient and kind; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. Love never ends.

Keeping in mind that your relationship is alive and ever-changing. Your love for each other is a miracle and a blessing. It will always invite you to grow, learn, expand and blossom. How you regard each other and how you behave toward each other, will determine the destiny of your union. It is your creation together. It is your sacred responsibility.

Therefore, everyday take the time to love and show gratitude towards one another. Be kind to your relationship. Be compassionate, supportive, and inspirational, as well as helpmates..playmates..and lovers. Lead with your hearts and take the time nurture what you have in the hardest of times. Your precious and blessed union is lovely in its innocence. It is mighty in its strength and abundant with possibilities. It belongs to you both.

Now for the vows...Olivia, you wanted to say yours?" He asked. Olivia nodded. Mathew didn't know she wrote her own personal vow, so it surprised him.

" _I used to be afraid of falling in love, of giving my heart away because of the many heartaches that came my way. I didn't even know what love meant because I didn't have a father there in my life. How could I trust a man to love me without breaking my heart, to give to me all that I wanted to give to him? Matt, when I met you, I realized how much I could let go of my worries and know I can put my trust into the love we have. Knowing that you will love our little girls no matter the circumstance lets me know there is definitely a life we could all share together. Matt, you have been there for me through thick and thin. Therefore,__I am no longer afraid to give my all. I love you so much."_ Olivia finished. She sighed in relief that she made it through the vow without crying too much. Matt smiled as he began his vow. Olivia also didn't know he was going to do one.

" Olivia. I have made this poem for you. It is a depiction of how much I love you...

_I love you this much...  
enough to do anything for you  
give my life, my love, my heart  
and my soul to you, and for you  
enough to willingly give all of my  
time, effort, thoughts, talents  
trust and prayers to you  
enough to want to protect you  
care for you, guide you, hold you  
comfort you, listen to you, and  
cry to you and with you  
enough to want to be silly around you  
never have to hide anything from  
you, and be myself with you...  
I love you enough to share all of  
my sentiments, dreams, goals,  
fears, hopes and worries  
my entire life with you  
enough to want the best for you  
to wish for your success  
and to hope for the fulfillment  
of all your endeavors  
enough to keep my promises to you  
and pledge my loyalty and _

_faithfulness to you.  
Enough to cherish your friendship  
adore your personality, respect your values  
and see you for who_

_you are...  
I love you enough to fight for you  
compromise for you and sacrifice  
myself for you if I need to  
enough to miss you incredibly when  
we are apart, no matter what length of  
time it's for and regardless of  
the distance  
__enough to believe in our relationship  
to stand by it through the worst  
of times, to have faith in our  
strength as a couple, and to never ever  
give up on us  
enough to spend the rest of my life  
with you, be there for you when you need  
or want me, and never ever want to leave you  
or live without you...__  
__I love you this much Olivia."_ He finished. He looked up to see Olivia crying. He gently wiped away the tears. He could also hear some sniffling in the church. Everyone else had tears in their eyes.

The priest cleared his throat. " Now it's time for the rings." He said. Mathew's nephew came out in the aisle and walked over to Matt and Olivia. Olivia thanked him as she grabbed his ring and put it on his ring finger.

" With this ring, I thee wed."

Matt grabbed Olivia's ring and put it on her ring finger. He looked her in the eyes.

" With this ring, I thee wed."

" By the power invested in me by the state of New York, I now pronounce you husband and wife...you may kiss your wife." The priest said smiling. Olivia smiled as Matt leaned in and kissed her. Everyone clapped and stood. Elliot brought over Emma, Ayana and Christina to Olivia and Matt. As they walked down the aisle, many people were congratulating them.

Olivia looked at Ayana and Christina in her arms and they were surprisingly asleep. She smiled and looked over at Matt who held the also sleeping Emma. He smiled back at her.

" Ready to go home?" He asked her. Olivia nodded.

" Oh yeah." Olivia said as they walked out and into their newly decorated car that said 'Newly Weds.'

" Elliot and Fin had something to do with this...I am sure of it." Matt told her. Olivia laughed as she put the girls in their car seats. Matt did the same before he got in the drivers seat. When Olivia got in, he squeezed her hand and drove back to their house. They would leave the after party to the guys. That would be interesting.

A/N: Hope you liked this chapter. =D Tell me if you did or not.


	10. Wedding Night

**Chapter 10: Wedding Night **

Olivia and Matt arrived to their house with Ayana, Emma, and Christina. After tucking them in, the newly weds went towards their bedroom. Right at the doorway, Matt stopped Olivia. They still had their wedding attire on. Olivia turned towards him but was surprised when he picked her up from the floor. Olivia playfully hit his shoulder.

" Matt! Put me down this instant!" She laughed. Matt shook his head.

" Nope. I didn't get to carry you over the threshold, so I am doing it now. You of all people should know the traditions...sheesh!" Matt exaggerated. He then proceeded to carry Olivia in and he placed her gently on the bed. Olivia brought him down with her.

" Yeah, but you of all people should know I'm a simple girl. All I need is right here beside me and in that nursery." Olivia told Matt. He smiled and kissed her. Olivia kissed back for a moment but pulled away.

" I have to get out of this dress. You need to get out of that tux. I'll be right back...I have a surprise for you." Olivia winked and grabbed something and went into the bathroom. While she was in there, Matt proceeded to get into his boxers. Minutes later, Olivia came out and she leaned against the door. Matt looked up and his jaw just about hit the floor. Earlier that week, Olivia had bought some lingerie and she decided to where it.

" Um..." He couldn't say anything.

" Are you stuttering Agent Hurst?" Olivia smirked as she walked over to the bed. Matt slowly shook his head.

" N-no." He tried to say. Olivia laughed.

" You are so cute when you're speechless." Olivia said as she sat on top of him. She gave him a kiss.

" Did I do something extra good?" He finally asked.

" Well, you have been so good to me." She said as she kissed him again. " You are such a great father...and I love you." Olivia said. Matt smiled.

" And I love you." He said. He flipped her over. " Do you want to?" Matt asked her. Olivia took a deep breath. She finally nodded.

" Yeah." Olivia said and then gave him a kiss.

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Olivia woke up the next morning to one of the girls crying. She looked at the time and it was 4am in the morning. Olivia gently moved Matt's arm from her waist and went to the nursery. Ayana was crying. Olivia quickly went to her so she wouldn't wake up Christina and Emma.

" It's okay, sweetie. Mama's here." Olivia said as she rocked Ayana. After about 20 minutes, Ayana quieted. Olivia quietly put down the sleeping little girl, and kissed all three before she went back to her room. Matt was still asleep. Getting in the bed, Olivia closed her eyes and went back to sleep.

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5 hours later

Matt opened his eyes to the blaring sun in his face. He looked down and saw Olivia's head on his chest and a arm around his stomach Matt slowly got out of the bed without waking Olivia. She just stirred in her sleep and turned onto her stomach. Matt just shook his head and put on his robe. He would let her sleep for a few minutes before she had to get up and get ready for work. Although they just got married, they would have the honeymoon that weekend.

Matt went to the nursery and saw that Christina, Ayana and Emma were already awake. When they saw him, they started to give him a gum- filled smile.

" You hungry my little monsters?" He asked as he took each child to their high chairs in the kitchen. It didn't take him long before he had the baby food done and he was feeding the girls. They were happily eating their food when there was a knock at the door. Matt went to open the door and there stood his mother, Emily Stephens. She smiled.

" Hey mom. Come on in." He said as he let her in and gave her a hug.

" How's my baby?" She asked. Mat groaned. He went back to his rebellious 16 year old self.

" Mother, I'm 38. Come on now." He detested. Since he was the youngest, she always called him her baby.

" What? I'm just asking how my youngest is. It's been a long time since I have seen you." She said. She pinched his cheek. " Well, where are my other babies? I want to meet my granddaughters." Emily said. Matt showed her to the kitchen where Christina, Emma and Ayana were looking around like they were looking for something. Emily grinned.

" How are you my sweet cakes?" She cooed and Emma giggled. Her sisters went along and started laughing too.

" Okay, I remember you told me their personalities, so I think this is Emma...Ayana, and Christina. They look almost like Olivia." Emily said. She guess the girls right.

" They do." Matt agreed.

" Matt? Who are you talking to?" Olivia asked. She looked around and saw Emily there.

" Hi Olivia. How are you my dear? I just met these cuties and they are adorable." Emily told her as she gave Olivia a hug.

" Hey. I'm glad to see you. I'm doing good. I know, they are my everything." Olivia told her. Emily nodded. " Oh, and thanks for agreeing to babysit the girls on such a short notice."

" You're welcome." She smiled.

" Um, Matt?" Olivia turned to him. Matt looked up from the sports section of the newspaper.

" Yeah?"

" Can I steal you for a second?" Olivia asked. Matt nodded. He got up and followed Olivia to the hallway. Olivia stopped and gave him a kiss. She finally broke it after a minute. Matt laughed.

" I must have been a very good boy in a previous life." He smiled. Olivia returned it.

" Yes you have. Thank you for last night. Never thought I would be ready until I met you. I love you." Olivia gave him a hug.

" I love you too."

" Well, I'm going to get ready for work. When are you leaving?" Olivia asked him. He looked at the time.

" Well, I'll leave a little after you."

" Okay. I just wanted to give you a kiss as to the reason why I brought you here." Olivia smirked. Matt shook his head.

" You are one of a kind Olivia. Thats why I love you." Matt laughed and returned to the kitchen as Olivia went back into the bedroom to get ready.

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" Matt I have it. Just go. Sheesh. You are worse than Olivia. When you both get back, the girls will be here in one piece. I promise you." Emily tried to get her son out of the door, but Matt was trying to give her the last information before he left. He sighed in defeat. He loved Ayana, Christina and Emma like his own, but he knew he had to trust that his mom knew what she was doing. After all, she raised him and his brother all by herself and they turned out fine.

" Okay, but you know who to call-"

" Mathew Jayden Hurst. Out. Now. Have a good day, okay?" Emily told him. Matt nodded and went out after he kiss the girls on the fore head. Emily turned around and knelt by the high chairs.

" You see what I have to go through? Now we can have some real fun." Emily said as she turned on the TV to Barney. Christina smiled.

**A/N: Sorry for not updating like I should have. It won't be this long next time. I promise. **

**Review and tell me what you think!**

**Guess what? I turn 17 in exactly 4 days counting today...yay!**

Suber, wade hampton road, turn left and a little down


	11. Nightmare

**Chapter 11: Nightmare**

Olivia arrived at the precinct. Fin was at his desk and Munch was at the coffee maker. Elliot was at his desk working.

" Welcome back Liv." Fin gave her a hug. Olivia returned it.

" Thanks. How did the after party go?" Olivia asked since she and Matt left early. " I hope you all behaved." Olivia said as she sat down. Fin looked at Munch.

" What? I can't help it that the ladies love me. By the way, tell Cindy I want my shirt back." Munch said. Olivia looked at him.

" John did you...with my husband's cousin?"

" No, he did a strip tease. His bony ass can't dance. I'll tell you that." Fin said.

" I may not be a natural dancer, but thank you my friend for the tips on getting the ladies cause they do love it." Munch patted Fin on the shoulder. Fin just shook his head.

" What did I do to deserve this? Why?" Fin asked himself.

" Munch, we are friends, but shut up. Fin, I feel your pain. Liv, its nice to see you back here. I think we were all silently killing each other. I got your coffee for you. Just the way you like it." Elliot said. Olivia rubbed her temple.

" You all are a trip." Olivia looked at her computer screen.

" Olivia Benson?" A young man came in. He had a package in his hands. Olivia stood up.

" Yes, I'm her."

" I have a package for you ma'am." He told her. " You just have to sign here." He gave her the form and told her where to sign. After she signed the form, Olivia brought the package to her desk. Elliot looked over.

" Who you think that's from?" Elliot asked. Olivia shrugged her shoulders.

" I don't know." Olivia said as she opened up the rectangle-like box. Olivia backed up when she saw what was inside. There was a dead rat and a dead rose inside. Fin and Munch came over seeing what was inside. Fin took a few step backwards.

" That stinks really bad." He said. Everyone agreed.

" Olivia, look there is a note." Elliot said. Olivia looked inside. She grabbed the note with a tweezer on her desk. She didn't was to mess up any prints that may have been on the box.

Carefully, Olivia opened the letter and started to read it.

" What does it say?" Fin asked. Olivia read out loud.

" Olivia. You probably don't know me and frankly, you don't need to. There is really only one person I am interested in. I know you are probably trying to preserve the prints on this, but there is no prints on this. In the mean time, enjoy my gift. I personally did it for you." Olivia read. She had a puzzled look on her face.

" For a guy who claims to be good at what he does isn't very good at his words." Fin said.

" I think this just might be someone who is try to get attention. He isn't really making any threats. Just wait and see what happens next." Munch said. Olivia slowly nodded.

" I guess." Olivia said. She dumped the smelly box outside.

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Olivia arrived home to the smell of take out Chinese food around 8:35pm. Emily was already gone and Matt was in the dining room getting finished with feeding the girls. He looked up after hearing her walk in. He smiled.

" Hey baby. I'm almost done with feeding them. I also got your favorite Chinese take out." Matt told her as he wiped Christina's mouth. He gently took her out of the high chair and took her to the nursery. He did the same with Ayana and Emma. When he got them situated and he grabbed the baby monitor from the room, he walked out and went into the living room where Olivia was. She was sitting on the couch. Matt came up behind her and gave her a massage.

" Are you okay?" Matt asked. Olivia slowly nodded. " How was work?"

" It was okay. Had a new case." Olivia told him. Matt sat beside her.

" Anything you wanna talk about?" He asked. He knew what her work field dealt with. He really never had to deal with that. His unit dealt with criminals, courts, jury and everything of that sort. He felt for Olivia since that was a sensitive area for her.

" No, thank you though." Olivia gave him a smile, hug and a small kiss. She got up and then helped him up so they could eat.

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**2 weeks later**

It was 5 in the afternoon and Olivia had the day off and she was spending the day with Matt and the kids. Mark was in the backyard playing with Ayana, and Emma. Christina was with Olivia. She was definitely a mommy's girl. Christina was watching a cartoon on the small counter TV when she tilted her head a little. She had this quizzical look on her face. All of a sudden she pointed to an ball on the screen.

" Ma!" She yelled out. Olivia about dropped the glasses in her hand. Olivia quickly put them down and picked Christina up.

" Chrissy! Oh my god! You just said your first word! That's right baby. I'm Ma." Olivia gave Christina a big hug. " And that's a Ball." Olivia said pointing to one of the kid's ball. Christina gave Olivia a gummy smile. Olivia went into the backyard and went to tell Matt.

" Matt! Guess what? Chrissy just said her first word!" Olivia said excitedly.

" What did she say?" Matt asked smiling.

" She pointed to a ball on Barney and she all of a sudden said Ma. I picked her up and told her what the ball was called. Let me see if she can say it again." Olivia said. She pointed to a ball and turned Christina towards it. " Can you say Ball sweetie? Ball?" Olivia repeated. Christina looked a bit timid for a moment.

" Ba!" She finally said. Matt clapped. "I'm so proud of you." He said as he gave Christina a kiss on the forehead. In the background, Olivia heard the phone ring. Olivia handed Christina to Matt.

" I'll get it. I'll be right back." Olivia said as she walked quickly back inside. She picked up the phone and answered.

" Hello?"

Silence.

" Hello?

Breathing... "Olivia Benson?" The unknown voice said over the phone. It sounded creepy.

" Whoever you are, please stop calling. Bye." Olivia said before she hung up. Olivia shook her head. She was about to walk right back outside when she heard the bell ring. Olivia went to open it. There stood a man about his 60's.

" Hello? May I help you?" Olivia asked.

" Hi. Is Mathew home?" The man asked. It sounded nothing like the voice on the phone.

" May I ask who you are?" Olivia asked.

" Just tell him it's a surprise." The man smiled. Olivia felt uneasy about him.

" Can you wait a minute? Thank you." Olivia said before she shut the door. She quickly went outside.

" Matt, there is this man outside our door who wants you, but I feel really uneasy about him." Olivia said. Matt nodded and was about to go towards the door, but he thought of the kids. Olivia read his mind. " Don't worry. I'll take them the their room. Olivia said as she grabbed all three of the little girls and both she and Matt walked into the house. Olivia went to put the girls in the nursery while Matt answered the door. Olivia was done with getting them settled and was walking out the nursery when she heard Matt's rough voice. She knew he only used that voice when he was really angry.

" I don't want you ever near my house or my family again. Do you hear me? Stay the hell away." Matt asked. His face was turning red.

" Mathew, why can't we just talk like civilized people?"

" You know the hell why. It doesn't take a fucking genius to know why I don't want to talk to you." He practically barked. Olivia came beside him. The mystery man looked at her.

" I see you have a wife. Nice looking woman you got, son." The man said. " Let me introduce myself. I'm Steve Whitmire, Mathew's dad. I hoped you liked my little present two weeks ago" He said. He extended his hand towards Olivia but Matt slapped it away.

" Don't you dare touch her." Matt seethed. Olivia looked at him and even underneath that hard exterior, she could see that he was scared. For what reason, Olivia had no clue.

" That is no way you talk to your father. You know, you have always have been no good. You may not think I have not been a great father, but son, you came from me. Did you think you would be this wonderful father?" Steve asked. Matt looked like he was about to punch the man in the face.

" I'm not your son and I am much more of a father than you ever were."

" Mr. Whitmire. I'm going to ask you once. Leave my husband, me, and our family alone. If you don't, I will personally press charges on your ass. Now LEAVE." Olivia said as she slammed the door in his face. Olivia peaked in the blinds and watch for a minute until Steve was gone. She realized it was Steve who had sent her that dead rat. She didn't know how he got her address. He must have followed her home many times. Olivia turned back towards Matt. He was sitting at the table. He had his head in his hands. Olivia sat down on her knees in front of him.

" I don't want you to see me like this." Matt said as he cleared his throat and wiped his eyes. He was about to get up. Olivia stopped him.

" No, baby. I want to be here for you." Olivia said as she gave him a hug. He tried not to cry on her shoulders, but he couldn't help it. A few tears came down. Olivia hated to see her husband like that. Where one person could give this much effect on Matt. When Matt cleared his throat once more, Olivia spoke. " You want to talk about it?" She asked. Matt slowly nodded.

" You have to know." He said. Olivia nodded. She prepared herself.

" When I was 5, I spent the summer with Steve. He had an apartment that had only one bedroom. He told me since I was getting big, it...it was time for me to go into the big boy bed..." Matt spat out. He was getting heated again. " I did it because I didn't want to sleep on the couch. Well, one night, I was asleep, when I-I felt him touch me....long story short, he raped me that night. And then he continued night after night after night. I didn't tell my mom because as I got older, he threatened to kill my mom and then me. I also felt like if I let him do it to me, then my brother wouldn't have to go through what I felt." Matt said. He was starting to shake.

" Oh baby. I'm sorry." Olivia said as she gave him a long hug. She shed a few tears herself because she knew exactly what pain he went through.

" I am going to need you to hold me back, Olivia. Cause if he ever comes near you or the girls, I am seriously going to kill him. I swear." He said.

" Please don't do that because we need you. He's not worth it, Matt. Trust me." Olivia tried to calm him down. Matt nodded a little.

" I'll try my best." Matt said. He got up and went into their room. Olivia sighed as she got in the chair and leaned her head back.

**A/N: How was it?**


	12. Intrusion of Privacy

**Chapter 12: Intrusion of Privacy**

Olivia woke up the next morning to the sun blaring in her face. Olivia looked over at Matt and saw that he was still sleeping. He deserved a good night's sleep after the day before's events. Olivia slowly got up. She went to check on Emma, Ayana and Christina. They looked so peaceful. Olivia decided not to disturb them just yet, so she walked out and went into the kitchen. She began to make some coffee.

Olivia had asked for the time off after she explained the situation. Cragen told her he understood, and that he would have unmarked cars watching them. At first, Olivia was going to detest, but she knew she wanted her family safe so she agreed.

Olivia looked up from what she was doing when she heard some noise. Matt came from the room.

" Morning Matt. How are you doing?" Olivia asked giving him a kiss.

" I'm okay. I'm sorry I couldn't hold it together last night." He apologized. Olivia shook her head.

" You have nothing to be sorry for. It wasn't your fault." Olivia told him. Matt sighed.

" I know, but I can't help but think I'm like him. I don't want to hurt you or the kids." He said. Olivia made his face turn towards her.

" I don't want you to ever think that, okay? You are so much more than your father. Trust me, if you ever did lay a hand on me or the girls, I would shove this phone so far up your fine ass that you could only dial 911 with your navel. But fortunately, I know I'll never have to do that." Olivia joked. It made Matt smile a little. " Now that is what I want to see."

" Thank you." He kissed her. Olivia returned it.

" Anytime. That's what I'm here for." She smiled. " I'm going to feed the girls. Do you want to take a shower with me afterwards?"

" Sure." He said. Olivia went into the nursery. She came out 15 minutes later and she walked to their bedroom. Matt was already in the shower waiting for her. Olivia shed her clothes and opened up the shower curtain.

Olivia wrapped her arms around him and rested her chin in the crook of his neck. Matt turned around and kissed Olivia softly. Olivia kissed him back and rested against the wall as he kept on pleasuring her. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw this small red blinking light.

Olivia looked over to where it was coming from and saw it was a tiny hidden camera in the corner where she wouldn't have been able to see it without it blinking. Olivia quickly stopped Matt. She tried to cover her body.

" Oh my god, Matt...stop stop. There is a camera in here. Look." Olivia said as she covered her body with his. Matt took one look at it. His face got red and hot with anger.

" Damn him! I'm going to kill that son of a bitch. I know it was Steve. He is never going to leave me alone." Matt said as he got out of the tub. He helped Olivia out so she wouldn't slip. Matt went to put on his clothes. Olivia did the same.

" Matt. Don't do something you will regret. He's not worth it." Olivia said to him, but inside she was so embarrassed that she was seen naked.

On the outside, Olivia was seen as a calm, cool, and collective person. On the inside though, she felt a little insecure after her rape. This situation didn't make it any better.

" Don't you see Olivia? I can handle him doing that to me, but as soon as he put you and the girls in the middle, I am not having that." He said as he bustled around the room finding his stuff. Olivia knew he was extremely upset, and she had to calm him down.

" Matt...Matt...Mathew!" Olivia finally yelled out. Matt stopped what he was doing. Olivia came over to him and kissed him. " Stop. Let's just go tell my captain and we'll get this all straightened out." Olivia held his face.

" Fine." He huffed. Olivia nodded and called Cragen to tell him what happened. Cragen said he would have CSU come over and that they should come to the precinct.

" Okay. Help me get the girls and we can go." Olivia told him as she left the room. She hurried into the pink decorated nursery. Emma, Christina and Ayana were peacefully sleeping. Olivia didn't want to wake them but she knew she had to. Olivia went to pick up Emma and Ayana. Matt got Christina and they walked out. Olivia had toys and other necessities at the precinct just in case and she was glad.

On the way, Olivia and Matt didn't say anything. They just held each other's free hand.

Walking inside with the wide awake triplets, Olivia put them in the kids interrogation room that was filled with toys. She asked one of her friends who was on a break to make sure they were okay while she and Mathew went to talk with Cragen.

" Come in." His booming voice came through the door. Olivia opened it. Cragen looked up. " Olivia. Good to see you again. Sorry you had to come in after this." He said. Olivia nodded. Cragen shook Matt's hand.

" Yeah. His father went too far. I don't know how long the camera has been in the shower."

" Like I told you over the phone, CSU is on their way to your house. They should be there now." He said. " Mathew...what is your father's name?"

" Steve Whitmire, sir."

" Wait a minute. I recognize that name." Cragen said as he looked through his file drawer. A minute later, he pulled out a manila folder. " Back in 1979, I handled a case where a man was accused of raping a young boy. He had a good lawyer and he was cut loose. The trial didn't last long. It was your father, Mathew." Cragen said looking at him. Matt sighed and rubbed his temple.

" I remember him being away for some time and it made me feel so free knowing I didn't have to be with him. Then he came back after about a month. Now I know why. Do you know the name of the boy who was raped?" Matt asked. Cragen shook his head.

" I don't think it's a great idea to visit him. All you both can do is make sure he gets prison time. I know there are laws against voyeurism. I'll call Casey in to tell us what can happen." He informed them. Both Mathew and Olivia nodded. They went out the door and into the kids interrogation room to check on the girls.

It was going to be a long day.

**A/N: I know it is sometimes annoying when someone apologizes for something and never change. So I'm not going to say sorry for not updating as I should...oops. Sorry =) I just did. Well, hope you enjoyed this chapter. I wrote half of this a month ago and it was sitting in a file because I could think of anything to say. Well, sorry for the long speech, but please Review! Thanks!**


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